To cut or not to cut…

So, as I mentioned before… I’m returning to work on October 5th.  That is in SIX days!   Tragic, really.  However, saving my time until Zachary comes home is priceless to me right now.  I want to soak up as much mama and Zachary time as I can while he is home (hopefully, late October/early November). 

There is one thing that I just can’t get a grip on.  Our baby bracelets.  Like most hospitals we were given baby bracelets to identify that we are the parents.  One for Parker and one for Zachary.  The hospital that I work at uses the very same bracelets, and it doesn’t help that I work on the post partum floor.

I really, really do not want to cut off Parker’s bracelet.  Like, really don’t want to.  I feel like it is the last thing I have that connects me to him, physically.  However, If I keep his bracelet on, people are going to ask questions and have comments.  I’m absolutely dreading the, “Ohhhh, You had twins???” question.  I know that each time someone asks me, it will be a constant reminder about Parker. 

If I take his off,  I feel like I’m leaving him out.  People will only notice that I have one baby and only ask about that one baby.  Never knowing that twins even ever existed.  

I feel like these bracelets are the last “twin” thing I have.  Not only did I we loose our son, we lost our “twins”. 

I don’t know what to do. I’m  hoping that someone in blogland can shed some light either way.  Do I keep them on?  What kind of response do I give people who ask about them?  Or, do I cut his off and not mention him?? I don’t know…Help!

I’ve tried to put Zachary’s bracelet on top of Parker’s, so it looks like only one…  It doesn’t fit.  I’ve thought about wearing long sleeves, too hot.  I could cover them up with a sweat band, but I wash my hands a lot and it will get all gross….any other ideas?

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9 thoughts on “To cut or not to cut…

  1. Ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you. Just a suggestion, but I've seen some really beautiful necklaces where each child gets a little medallion with their initial or name stamped onto it. You could, perhaps get a necklace like that and get a medallion for each of your three boys.

  2. FIrst, I'm so sorry, Mama. {{{}}}I wonder if you could have the bracelet replicated in silver or something so that you could always wear it, but not have the questions since it will look like a regular bracelet. I bet there is someone out there (on Etsy maybe?) who could do this for you. I'm gonna do a little digging…

  3. I love the idea of the bracelet replicated in silver and a necklace with all three boys mentioned. That might take awhile, though, so in the meantime, maybe you could cut it off and tuck it in your bra, close to your heart. Or cut it off and attach it some how underneath Zachary's. If there is some space between your skin and the bracelet, put some glue on Parker's and slide it, wrong sides together. Does that make sense?Good luck. I hope this time back and work goes quickly for you.

  4. I say leave it on. Once you take it off, you can't put it back on…but until you are READY, without a doubt, to remove it, leave it. You have twins. One is dancing in heaven and one is in the NICU.

  5. I agree with a special piece of jewelry. Something special and you can explain if you want and something you can hold close to your heart like sweet Parker.

  6. I have no words of wisdom (although I do love the jewelry ideas) but just wanted to tell you how much my heart goes out to you. I would feel exactly the same way – not wanting to cut it off but not wanting to explain it to anyone, either. My heart breaks that you have to navigate this situation, along with the 100 you've already dealt with and all that are yet to come. Your family is never far from my thoughts.

  7. I would say that if you want to honor him talk about him…. Maybe if you tell one person they will share with others so you won't have to keep repeating it… My heart and prayers goes out to you and your family… I love the jewelry ideas too… So maybe until you can get that you just remember how beautiful and precious Parker is to you…

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