I’ve been quiet around here..

There is so much to say and so much to document, but I haven’t been able to gather my thoughts into a post.  Between the grieving, the joyful bliss of a newborn, and raising a toddler my head is spinning.  Life is not the same around these parts.  I’m ready to have our boys home together getting to know each other.  I’m done traveling back and fourth to see Zachary.  I want our baby boy home!

There are several things to touch on here, so I’ll do a bullet post.

  • Yesterday was Parker’s Memorial.  It has beautiful.  I could not ask for anything better to celebrate his life with.  The service was touching, the slide show was an amazing tribute, and the love and support though friends and family was unbelievable.  I never thought so many people would come.  I was wrong, people love us, people love Parker.  He has touched so many lives.  In the beginning of the service I just sat and cried.  I sat next to the table of this things and cried.  Sometimes I still can’t believe he is gone.  As people started to arrive one by one they would come up to me, give me a hug and each hug made me cry more.  I was able to get myself together for the service… I wanted to be present. I wanted to listen to everything the Reverend had to say.  I wanted to remember those moments forever.

  • I want to thank everyone who has donated money for Parker and Zachary.  Planning a memorial/funeral is not easy or cheap.  There are so many things to pay for and it adds up…fast!  Parker aside, having a baby in the NICU cost money too.  Your donations have helped lessen the financial blow this is call costing.  Things like our monthly parking pass for the hospital, gas, and all of the hospital bills that have started to roll in.  We have received over $30,000 in bills, and that’s just the start of it!  Thank goodness for insurance, but they don’t pay for everything.  So, Thank you very much for your donations, we really really appreciate it.  

  • Zachary is doing really well.  He is a month old already, I can’t believe it.  Last week he had a really hard week.  Where he was again intubated and put on a ventilator after needing CPR.  He had an infection that was caught early, and he is doing much better.  The infection was causing him to have big globs of phlegm that he wasn’t able to swallow or cough out, they were obstructing his airway, that’s where the CPR and intubation came in.  However, since then he has been on a upward climb.  He weighs 2lbs. 10oz, is up to 25cc’s of fortified breast milk, and is back on the nasal cannula after taking the tube out himself.  Apparently, he knew he was ready and he wasn’t waiting for the doctors to make that decision.  Having a baby in the NICU is defiantly a roller coaster. 

  • I’m dreading going back to work.  I hate the fact that I even have to.  I go back October 4th and when Zachary comes home from the hospital, I’ll take another 6 weeks off.  Laurie is on leave now, so that will help with me being able to go and see Zachary before I have to go to work…(and take care of other people’s babies while mine lays in the NICU.  Just sayin’…).  I don’t know how I’m going to react when I see a crack head mother and her perfectly healthy baby.  I’m scared of that…

  •   You really find out who your true friends are when your in need of them.  I have a friend who has not said a word about the boys birth, Parker’s death, and even just to call to see how I’m doing until today.  She texted with a slew of reasons (read: excuses) for not coming to Parker’s Memorial…  This changes our relationship, forever.  In the hardest time in our life she was no where to be found. Nice, real nice.  On the other hand, we are so very lucky to have the friends who have been there for us.  Through the thick of it, they have never left our side. We love them for that.

  • I’ve been pumping every 2 hours during waking hours.  It has been hard, and I’ve had to overcome some nipple pain, thank you makers of Lanolin but I’m doing it!  I have over 200 ounces in the freezer waiting for him.  Right now he takes 25cc, which is almost one ounce (30cc=1oz).  I’m pumping about 2-3 ounces each session.  My morning pumping is the most (because I havnt pumped all night) and thats about 7-8oz.  The manual pump has really saved me from having to always find a outlet to plug into.  The manual pump gives me freedom to pump while Laurie is driving down the highway, or at the park, or in numerous parking lots… Oh, the fun!

Super long post, sorry!  I should post more often! =)


3 thoughts on “updatepalooza!

  1. sounds like parker's memorial was beautiful, we were thinking of you all. boo on fair-weather friends and boo on returning to work. sounds like zachary is doing great; sending continued hopes he is home soon ❤

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