=/

AF has come. Or well, what I think is AF. It is not the normal color or amount…we’ll just leave it at that.  I’ll spare you the gross details.


Once I knew that AF has come I really wanted to call the RE and start the fresh IVF cycle, pronto. But, being that it turning out to be such a wacky flow, It is probably best to get the rest of the old stuff out of my ute before the good and new stuff needs to go in.  For a moment December was looking good to start this next cycle, but I think January is still the best option. 


Being that I don’t always get a period every month I wanted to take advantage of the one I got this month. Both my fresh IVF and FET were jump started with Provera, I was hoping that this next one wouldn’t have to be.  I hope that my body will get in gear and I’ll have a normal period next month to start with…


Oh, and just for the record. Your first period after a m/c fucking sucks. Talk about flash backs of clots and blood. Oh, and the fact that I shouldn’t even be getting my period because I should be pregnant (two times over!!) really, really sucks.  I feel left out and there isn’t anything I can do about it. I should be 7 months pregnant right now, or hell, I should be 14 weeks too.  Instead I’m sitting here with old uterine lining and no little baby inside.  It makes me so sad to think of the two little lives that have been taken from our family.


I’m trying to keep the keep the hope alive but sometimes I need help seeing that anything good can come of this. 

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5 thoughts on “=/

  1. The waiting is just the worst. No doubt about it. I didn't officially have a m/c but my first period after IVF was also weird (and gross) and I had to just deny what was happening so I could get through it and move on to the next. 2010 is almost over, and there's lots to look forward to for next year.

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