TLC Season Premiere: 2 Ladies 5 Babies

We’ve been doing some thinking…. About TTC #2. 

Laurie came up with the idea of twin cycling (using my eggs) weeks ago.  We were holding out for the results of the RPL panel to come back to really dig into this. that way we’d know if it would even be possible.  As of now, It seems possible, but are we crazy?!  Laurie thinks that it’s a great plan and really wants to do it.  Me, I don’t know. I’m nervous about a lot of things and I have a lot of ‘what if’ type things swirling around in my head.  I just don’t know….   This calls for some bullets.   

  • Can we really afford an OOP FET for Laurie? (She has tapped out her lifetime max on her insurance. Anything that involves her getting knocked up will be paid for OOP)
  • What if we both get pregnant?  Who is going to take care of us?! Are we going to be able to look after Ryan while we are BOTH feeling so exhausted, achy and tired?  No one is going to want to visit us for 9 months!
  • What if we both get pregnant with twins?! 4 new babies and toddler. That just speaks for itself.
  • Can we afford to live off one salary?  Right now, grandma (either of them) and Laurie’s aunt watch Ryan for the 2-3 hours between me leaving for work and Laurie coming home.  Are they going to be able to handle the extra kiddies??? (this is only if we both get pg. I don’t think they’d have a problem with one more.) Or, would one of us stay home (most likely me) to run the household and others can come and help if they dare.
  • What if we both get pregnant and I miscarry again. This is my biggest fear. It would only magnify it by 10,000 if this were to happen.  I’d have a constant reminder that yet again I’ve failed.  There is no way to know how I’d react to this until it happened which would just really (for lack of better words) fucking suck!!
  • What if neither of us got pregnant. Neither of us have a great track record. Should we take the risk while we are paying for it OOP?! Even though I know that when we’re ready for Laurie to carry again we’d have to pay OOP anyways.
  • What about Ryan?!  Can he handle both of us being pregnant?  Would be be weaned by the time Laurie needed to start taking meds and/or be pregnant?!
  • What if either one of us couldn’t be there for the birth of the other?! I really loved being there for Laurie while she was laboring and during the delivery. It was such an amazing experience that I would never want to miss out on.  What if I’m delivering in the next room?! Who’s going to help me?! Who’s going to help Laurie?!

These are mostly the bad things that could happen.  Of course there are good things too!

  • It would be really cool to go through everything together
  • Pregnancy pictures would be totally awesome
  • We’d hopefully only have to do it once and our family would be complete! (we want 3-4 kids)
  • Laurie would carry the embryos that I made -that’s so cool all on its own!
  • I’m sure this would qualify us for our own TV show on TLC?! Hmmmm, What would the name of our show be??? 2 ladies 5 babies!  Hahahaha.
  • Ryan would get instant siblings! We’d love it and I think he would too.

What do you think?!  Crazy or not?! Do you have any other situations or things that your thinking that maybe we have not thought of yet?! Please chime in….every aspect and possibility needs to be explored.

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11 thoughts on “TLC Season Premiere: 2 Ladies 5 Babies

  1. I want to preface with, you know I love you, right? With that said and stating you wanted opinions, are you freakin!' crazy? That just seems like crazy talk. I can't even imagine the possibility of five kids under 2… From three different pregnancies. TLC show is right. When thinking about finances, it is important to also think about long term– could you afford 5 teenagers, afford 5 college expenses in a short period of time, not to mention afford diapers, food, and everything else kids needs. In the end, it is totally a personal call and one that both of you would have to be 110% in, because there is no turning back. In theory it sounds romantic, but in practice, it sounds a tad crazy. (was I too harsh– I am having a bad day and I just wanted to give you an honest opinion.) much love in whatever you decide….

  2. So, we've had similar discussions (although we are sans an existing kiddo). At the end of the day my thoughts were 1) It is not statistically likely that we'd both get pregnant on the same cycle. It's a fear, but it's just not LIKELY unless both women are super fertile. 2) However, if I were you, I'd at least space them 1-2 months apart so that you can be there for each other's births for sure and so that someone is pregnant alone for a little while and "being taken care of" by the other. But that's just me!

  3. OK, I am going to go out on a limb and be completely honest here since it seems like you are genuinely looking for feedback. Please know that I am speaking only based upon my own opinion. This is an intensely personal decision and I look forward to cheering you down whatever path you choose, but…There is NO WAY I would do this myself for all the reasons you already listed, but also out of concern for Elliot. I think having a child already changes this a lot. Yes, both of you getting pregnant with twins at the same time is a pretty remote possibility, but it's not impossible. Building families as conscientiously as we do, we have the priviledge/burden of defining our possibilities a bit more than some, if not our outcomes. I agree with Jen that while the idea of dual pregnancies and four babies sounds romantic and exciting (especially to those of us who have been ravaged by infertility – oh the seduction of it!), there are HUGE financial, physical and logistical challenges to contend with. What if one of you needs to go on bedrest? What if both of you do? What if one or more of the babies is premature or sick and needs to stay in the hospital? What if one of you requires hospital time before or after delivery? Who will take care of the baby you already have? Even if you get the "best case scenario" in every way, what will the impact on Ryan be? That would be the biggest factor for me. Elliot is 20 months old right now, but trust me when I say that he is still a BABY. He looks like a baby, acts like a baby, needs his moms like a baby, and deserves a reasonable share of our attention like a baby. If we were to bring home 3 or 4 newborns tomorrow, it would turn his world upside down. He would have to get by with a lot less than he has now, and I'm just not comfortable with that. As we make our plans to add to our own family, the possibility of twins alone terrifies me – mostly because of the impact they'd have on E, and he'll be 2 1/2 by the time any babies would come our way.So those are my raw, unadulterated thoughts, only because you asked for them. I completely understand the desire to throw everything but the kitchen sink at your family-building challenges, and it's obvious you and Laurie are great moms who any children would be lucky to have. I reiterate what I said at the beginning – this is a choice you need to make for your own family and I will be thrilled to support you in whatever decision that may be. For reals. 🙂

  4. OOOh dear! What a thought! In fact there was a program on the other day of this exact same thing. It was called pregnant with quads I think and a lesbian couple were both carrying twins from the same egg collection. They weren't at each others births and they both found it all very hard in the late stages. Then they had 4 babies all at once!! It all looked very hard. See if you can find it online to watch.

  5. I think you are doing the right thing by listing out the pros and cons. Something else to consider: the post-pregnancy hormones (no I'm not being funny lol). After I had Cheeks, my hormones were OUT OF CONTROL – I was crying ALL the time and had a bout with PDD. If I didn't have my wife to keep me sane, I'm not sure how I could have done it. Two with those hormones can be tough as well. I know that is different for everyone and every pregnancy – but something to be aware of as well! I wish you nothing but the best luck though if you and Laurie decide to go this route – while extremely hard I am sure, those babies can also bring a ton of joy.

  6. I actually know a couple(straight) that has 3 sets of twins under 4 years old. Set number #1 3 years carried by mom, sets 2 and 3 came from surrogate try number 4 and 5. Set 2 was initially thought to be a singleton that then split and about a month later the other surrogate was confirmed to be carrying twins. Since they had been unsuccessful in getting their surrogates pg, they didn't wait. (They had about 17 frozen embryos after the first twins were born).Anyway, set 2 arrived full term January and the 3 set arrived about 2.5 months early in June. They spent about 3 months in the NICU, but you wouldn't now it by looking at them now! They are HUGE!It is stressful for her and she feels really bad for her oldest set of twins. She feels like they don't get nearly enough attention since they are so much older and more independent. Something to think about.. . .oh and I saw that quads with 2 moms thing. Crazy! I also read a blog of a lesbian couple that did something similar. After both experiencing a number of miscarriages, they both ended up pg about 6 months apart. The first baby was a singleton and the twins came about 5 months (a few weeks early). They are 3 and 2 years now and doing quite well. Here is the link http://findingchaos.com/Good luck with whatever you decide!Jill

  7. I agree with what has already been said above. Close in age is good but I think too many close in age would be very hard. Harder than you could even imagine (Ryan is a good baby, some people have it way harder than us). I do think Laurie using your embies is awesome idea but she could always do a FET.

  8. Like Jen and K, I'm taking you at your word and offering my honest opinion. But I agree with both of them…this would be crazy, crazy. You guys are still so young and have SO much time left in the "biological clock" area. And you have a beautiful and healthy son. As hard as it is to wait and live with the uncertainty, I would never risk simultaneous pregnancies or simultaneous TWIN pregnancies. I always always always wanted to carry. Hell, I really wanted to be a surrogate some day. It was surprising and unsettling to realize just how difficult pregnancy is on my body. I lost two months of work time in the summer cause I was so crazy sick and nauseous. There is NO way that I could have handled that, a toddler, and a pregnant wife on top of it. As K. points out, with kids, you have to think long, long term. Two, three, four, five college tuitions. Four different individuals with different needs and wants and desires. I don't think it gets easier as they get older, I think it gets harder–as our children become their own people, they need us, their parents, to help them in their own specific ways. That could mean soccer practice or ice skating or it could be learning disabilities or it could be mental illness or it could be health problems or who KNOWS what. Perhaps I am too quick to foresee every negative possibility but I do think you can to think beyond just the pregnancy and the first year or two and the known complications that come therein, but look at your family life for years and decades to come.

  9. coming from someone who is currently experiencing a twin/bed rest pregnancy, i'd vote w/the others – no way. what if one or both of you end up on bed rest?? i am barely keeping up with everything right now, if i were pregnant too, oh my god. i cant even imagine. i know laurie is eager to carry again, i *totally* get that, but you deserve to have all of the attention/focus during your pregnancy. how can she pamper you, if she is pregnant too?

  10. Wow, what a decision to consider! In reading your bullet points, I would recommend you both have very intentional reflection maybe with a facilitator like a therapist or something, even just one session. As we know, TTC is such a emotionally, spiritually and mentally exhausting journey. When you consider drastically changing your plans, it's important to make sure you are considering as many feelings, reactions and realities as possible which you are doing. All those questions you posed are great ones, have you and your partner been at a place where you can honestly answer all of them without being afraid of hurting or disappointing one another? In my experience with TTC, at times it was hard to answer honestly because I did not want to hurt my partner or seem selfish or not understanding. This is a tough decision, I hope whatever you both decide feels like the right decision for you both and come to a deeper understanding of one another.I am one of two Mom/Mama's to b/g twins. My partner carried. Being a parent is hard, having more than one baby at a time is harder. My partner took 18 months TTC. We were considering 'switching hitter' when she got her BFP. It took me 2 years, two miscarriages and a twin demise (started with twins now have a singleton) and I am now due in June 2011. I know how hard this process can be, and I will hold both you and your DW close to my heart as you walk through this decision.

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