I’m getting there…

I’m feeling somewhat okay today. I have not cried (yet…) and I’m trying to focus on the good things.  I’ve gotten some blood work results. My beta on Friday (day of mc) was 944 and then yesterday it was 64.  I’m happy that it is going down nice and fast. I really, REALLY do not want this to be something that is just dragged out.  I go back on Tuesday for b/w to see what my numbers are then.  Yesterday I started with some moderate cramping and bleeding that has gotten heavy.   It really sucks to have to see everything happen…Every time I go to the bathroom I know that I’m bleeding out my baby. …and I’m super, super tired.  I guess it’s my body’s way of telling me to relax and rest.  Yesterday was my first day back at work, and it went better than I thought it was going to.  I’m glad no one knew I was pg and I didn’t have the “I’m so sorry” and the “It just wasn’t the right time” that would of made it hard.  -So, I’m glad I was just alone, and everyone was just normal. 

Thinking in the future now…  I have 3 snow babies and will be able to do FET after I get my period.  I miss being pregnant and I can’t wait to have that again. =) 

One of my friends lost her baby at 25 weeks… So, I’ve been talking to her because I know that she knows where I’m coming from.  She said something to me that has helped a lot through this process.  She said, “You are taking the pain for the baby. That is what we would want anyway, no mother wants their child to suffer.” She’s right.  I would never want my baby to suffer and I would take the pain away in a heartbeat…

-H

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2 thoughts on “I’m getting there…

  1. well, since i was already shedding some tears today, i went ahead and cried a few for you too. ((()))its good to hear you have a friend to talk with about this – loss is so often not discussed, it can be so isolating…

  2. It's so hard. Still thinking of you and Laurie. Your quote made me tear up. It is a good way to think of it.Lots of us got PG the first FET round after a loss. Hoping hard for you!

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